I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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