just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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