new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
