There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
