So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
