Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize