It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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