My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
