The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
