So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
