remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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