Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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