No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
