remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
