guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
