Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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