Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
