i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize