My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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