I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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