best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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