made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
