This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
