I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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