I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
