remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
