Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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