How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
