In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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