i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
