Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
These tits shall not be calmed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
