Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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