so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
where am i from again
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
