You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
