Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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