My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
