He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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