I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
