ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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