I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
