the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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