I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
