my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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