i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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