She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
