I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
