just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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