My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
