Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
