Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
