it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
