You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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