I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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