I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
