Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love you. Go after that dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
