I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
