He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
