It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
