Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
