WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
