just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
