I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize