Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
