I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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