ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
