I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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