Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
