She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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