Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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