Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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