You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
