i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
smell my finger.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
