Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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