oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
