you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
