so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Four minutes until I can fart!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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