you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
