Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
